today is ray's birthday!yeayyy :)

Ray Toro - MCR's guitarist

so hari ni birthday ray! yeay!dia sgt comel!i adore him!

ray with wifey, christa - comel kan? awww :')

i really wanted to dye my hair red!

damn! just look at this!arrghhhh!

memasak lagi stress dari buat IB.

hari ni macam proaktif siket dari hari2 biasa. acece. bajet. siang mmg totally selenga blur x tau nak buat ape macam otak beku -.-' bangon at 3pm kot.blurrrrrrrrrr. sgt blurrr. mak buat lawak pon muka blur. -.-" mak maaf. tapi bila malam cup cap cup tiba2 aktif. cewah. aku tibe2 semangat nak buat masker guna putih telur tu. so buat la. -.-" aku buat sgt comot. meleleh2 ke baju ke seluar -.-' erkhhhh busuk x suka bau teloooo! pastu ntah ape mimpi tiba2 cam x bukak tumblr sgt n x beminat pon nak reblog ke ape tiba2 cm boring. hoho. and tiba2 guna google utk smtg yg bemanfaat. aku search la petua2 mcm2 petua. itu la ini la. and tiba2 terbayang2 cucur tau. aku pon search la "resipi cucur ikan bilis" aku copy pastu semangat g masak. dah pukol 1 ke 2am time tu kelentang kelentung bunyi kat dapo. aku potong bawang. ok ni sgt bodoe naseb baek mak aku tido. teruk gile aku nanges masa potong bawang. sekejap2 stop. kesat mata kat lengan baju. beringus2 aku.smpi satu msa ni kena stop and pusing and lap semua aer mate yg tekeluar2 di tubir mata. gila drama queen. so bubuh tepung dlaam bekas + bawang cincang + ikan bilis tumbuk + garam + sikit baking powder + air panas. rasa dah sedap dah. bila masak dia cammm.. emmm.. emmmm. siket pon x rupa cucur. macam goreng muntah cair -.-' sumpah buruk gila benda tu. aku x tau ape benda tu. x jadi. tutup api. repair bancuhan lagi. taruh tepung siket. gaul2. jadi benda yg sama. kali ke 3 pon gitu. pastu ade kucing nak gado kat tgkp. aku takut gile aku lari ke depan dgn sudip2 sekali. pastu online nak bg ilang tekejut -.-" pastu g dapo ade lg bunyi kucing neran nak gado. aku x tau nak buat ape. aku kutip cucur yg x jadi tu pastu aku baling kat tgkp dr jarak jauh. betempek2 benda jijik tu kat tgkp. mesti ngamuk mak aku bangon nanti. pastu dah ilang kot kucing tu. aku repair lagi bancuhan tu. bubuh tepung. kacau lagi. ok siket tp dia cam lembik -.-' macam x masak dalam. sebab lama sgt tggu aku bosan aku maen la sudoku kat dapo. pastu bila tengok cucur dh hangos sebelah -.-" pastu aku repair lagi 2 3 kali. tetap x jadi. lembik dalam. pastu aku fade up. aku buang cucur yg aku goreng x jadi tu dalam tong sampah. semua. pastu emo sebab lapa. -.-" tgk cerita masterchef pastu emo lagiiii sebab derang terer sgt masak. and tiba2 aku lipat kain yg betimbun2 dengan jayanya :D hebat kan?

ni azam tau

Ok ni azam duniawi je tau

1. get rid of my ugly whiteheads -.-"
2. normal kan balek tido. (like right now its already 4:50am)
3. there are parts of my body that err i can say bumpy2 somewhere -not to mention where- but thats it. i just need it to bit a little flatter so that i can happily wear any cloths without a thought that people will stare at me like hell -eventho no one friggin does that.im nobody hello!im not exist! but yup there's this stupid feeling that freaked out on people's stare-
4. EAT ALL SAYURR DENGAN BAHAGIA! -i was stupid to asingkan even a little small pieces of carrot or sayo campur in my bihun or nasi goreng or whatever - i'd only eat emm kangkong, bayam..emm (thinking some more), pucuk paku (i call it paku pakis instead and i dont care), daun salang? eh ntah ape nama die -.-"
5. drag my ass on the driving seat and just drive and jangan jadi penakut nak bawak kereta -.-" (my P already ended but damn it im too scared to drive)
6. tolong la nak rajen g dapo and masak especially masakan melayu. most of the time i only cooked the same old menu. spaghetti,meatball, choc moist cake, cornflake madu, murtabak megi, megi tumis, nasi goreng perencah segera adabi,udang goreng, telur goreng, ikan bilis goreng, nugget goreng, yeah thats it kot
7. spend time more with mommeh. kinda anak-beranak relationship since most of the time i stuck at tumblr. dammit tumblr u ruin our relationship! (seriously dude!move on to tumblr. FB sucks big time)
8. i really into this cancer2 thing and this syndrome down semua and especially those yang kanak2. i really wanted to join a real deal humanitarian organisation. bukan yang cam ditubuhkan macam kelab2 sekolah (like mine; sehati serumpun 2.0 -.-" ). at first i was thinking about helping animals like spca mybe but you know what i'm afraid with all the mammals that bigger than a cat (except some human)!
9. menjadi lebih normal and bersih. i mean i showered once per day. kadang2 je mandi normal which is twice a day. and x gosok gg or cuci muka b4 tido and ape tah lagi lepas makan -.-' . and get a facial wash! and right now i washed my face using my adek's scrubs. itu pon sebab we share the same bathroom and i just grab whatever in it -.-" . even my adek laki yg otai2 kaki motor tu pon got his own pencuci muka and siap suggest my mom which one is better -.-' i think i dont have any pencuci muka when im at KMB. for 2 years. wao.
10. elakkan dari tergedik2 aim for hi-tech gadgets like iPod iPad BB cool phone cool camera cool lappy etc. its cool to have it. it just no need to tergedik2 to aim for something too expensive or whatever. it just stupid. i donno. it just unnecessary to spend most of your money to something that you probably only used 5% of its apps when they have tonnes of cool features that you dont barely know how to use it. i rather spend the money on foodsss and flats and bags and jalan2 maybe.

yup. x dapat fly.

so ib result baru je keluar rabu hari tu. and yup i didn't meet the MARA's requirement. so that's it. after 2 years of pain-in-the-arse in IB i screwed it at the very end. its not that the IB is so tough 81 of us didn't managed to hit the 35 points set by MARA. it just faith has spoken and sapa la kita to doubt on it. and i believe most of us just shock for what just happened. even me myself was speechless when i first knew bout my result. im just overwhelmed. its all blended and there's no word to describe exactly what had happened to me during that day. i didn't cry when i knew about it. it just indescribable. then my mum just got back from work bought me lemang from pasar malam sbb mak terengat semalam nye i was just so kempunan to eat lemang. and i hugged her and whisper,"mak, ana tak lepas point". and maken kuat aku peluk mak aku n of course i was cried! tak tahan kotttttt -.-" mak cakap la "nak buat cmne xde rezeki. xpe la" oh mommy i love u :') so malam tu aku ok sangat and makan dengan banyak je n gelak2 n hepi sembang dengan aina. and i just moved on and googled for other biasiswa or apa2 and didn't looking back or nak merintih2 watsoever on my result. and the saddest part is bila kawan sendiri yang senasib kita sangat sedih and nanges2 call. sangat faham ape yg dia rasa and rasa nak menanges sebab dengar kawan sendiri sedih yang amat sangat. and entah kenapa malam2 dalam pukol 2pagi camtu and tiba2 rasa cam sebak. news feed FB penuh perkataan alhamdulillah. bukak group batch kita pun penuh dengan joy and happiness. semua org happy yang teramat sangat. semua org bahagia.ye la siapa x lapang dada bila dah berjaya after 2 years of struggle. Ib pulak tu. n itu la sekuat2 aku terima hakikat aku burst jugak at the end. and tiba2 terlintas dalam kepala aku yang i was too close to reach my dream. all the IELTS, BTN, Unis application, harapan mak ayah and semua2 tu semua datang sekali gus. i was emo like helllll!and nanges depan komputerrrrr. menanges2. it was so silent and dark and there's an SMS came in from a friend. "tido?" and aku terus gtau pasal result aku. i called him and nanges nanges nanges and nangesssssssssssssssssssssss -.-" tiba2 malam tu emo melampau and tak boleh tido and saket kepala sebab nanges banyak sangat.

you know when you really need someone to keep you strong u've got Allah and your mum. and don't rely on friends. only your bestfriends are there to keep you holding on and washed away your tears. and masa ni la we can differentiate who's your real friends and who's kawan yang only layak digelar friends on facebook. maybe some were just thinking they afraid that saying something might kill me inside. thats ok :) for those yang berjaya i wish you guys all the best and for not believe me we're going to make it through.